I wrote this the day the police bombed the MOVE house in Philadelphia, guess it must've been June of '85? I was 17, home from my first semester of college, dealing with lots of mixed feelings. I wrote "Holding On" the same day. I'm pretty sure I didn't get any sleep.
Suicide was a recurring issue in my first years in Richmond, for sure. A double suicide out the window of one of the dorms, someone hanged in the basement of a local watering hole, Bruce Blizzard...I expect a lot of it was young people like myself who'd never lived alone in a city before, and who were going through a lot of adjustments, experimenting with lots of things for better and worse, struggling with money, trying to become some viable version of "adult" while not having a real clear sense of where we wanted to go with that.
Cheers to all of y'all who lived through your twenties, anyway.
I did have a friend named Eric who was Reckless, but he sadly was not the Reckless Eric who penned the timeless "Whole Wide World." Oh, and "Mistress Carrie?" I misheard the chorus of 'Til Tuesday's "Voices Carry." And I was in a horrible, abusive relationship with someone named Carrie. (The "not on my account" is a callback to Holly Near, whom I met and interviewed when she was in town, and her song "Don't Hold Back.")
lyrics
Fearless Cathy, sing your sad song
These are the days that will rip proud hearts apart
These are the nights when you wake knowing something's gone wrong
So very wrong
Mistress Carrie, dressed in black
Blow out the door when there's nothing left to talk about
Blow me a kiss make me wonder if you're ever coming back
But don't turn back
(Not on my account)
Some burning issue is lost in your memory
Like a face in the crowd that you meet in your dreams
Some holy grail is lost in America
I feel it too, it's a dying world letting off steam
What does it mean?
Still in Richmond
Waiting for my man
Down on the streets I can hear the night's homicide
My heart cries out but my mind just wants to understand.
Reckless Eric, lost in the night
Somebody calls out your name in an alleyway
Alone at last in the past like a legend out of sight
(Out of sight and out of mind)
Brightly shining, out on the edge
Peeping through like a voice on the telephone
Misunderstanding, demanding you come in from the ledge
What would you do if I did what we talked about?
Where would you go if I gave you a map to your dreams?
Two suicides throwing pride in the face of it
Going down in the night in the pale moonbeams
Two silent screams
Still in Richmond
Trembling with fear
I'll send a postcard, a message in a bottleneck
Waiting without, running out of time
Wishing you were here.
credits
from Posthum(or)ous,
track released April 7, 2022
Brooke Saunders - rhythm guitar
Dika Newlin - percussion
Hunter Duke - drums
Manko Eponymous - lead guitars and vocals
with
Mike Erwin - bass guitar
"Hey," said Brooke one night at Alpina's after I played my weekly set, "Dika and me are putting together a band, three singers, three songwriters, would you be interested? And could you find us a drummer and a bass player?"
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